Quietud

El Salvadorans are fantastic at small talk. As we walk by our neighbors will often comment, "passing up the road?" or "going to work? That's nice". Small talk is great for our Spanish, because people repeat things many times. Example (translated):

-It's so hot today!
-Yes, it is.
-Yes, so very very hot.
-It seems like it's going to rain 
-Yes, but it won't rain.
-No it won't.
-But yes, it's very hot. It would be good if it would rain.
-I totally agree. We will have to wait for the rain. Life is like that.

This afternoon I sat in a hammock for 3 hours. The tranquilo is very tranquilo these days.

I wonder if my fast pace has ruined my ability to slow down. I have been spoiled by traveling, exciting new restaurants, movies and television. My life in Minneapolis was one of constant movement, with occasional meditation. It was as if I was running a marathon, with quick breaks for a cup of tea.

But I loved my life, my wonderful friends, my job, the variety I had in my days in months. The seasons reminded me that time was changing, that I was changing.

In El Salvador every day is hot. The sun discourages movement, it makes you want to sit in the shade all day and be still. It is so frustrating sometimes, the stillness.

Soon after we arrived we were complaining to another American about our boredom. He told us, "you have to create your own excitement".

And we have. I am proud of our effort to make new friends, to find joy in little things to do together and alone. Still some days it is hard. I think of the freedom that I had, to take off in my car and explore. I loved finding new hiking trails and walking on my own, sitting in a cafe and reading a book. 

Then again I wonder, is that freedom? Or is freedom something that lives inside of us? That we have to find in ourselves?

My neighbor is accustomed to a very slow, simple life. She wakes up, she has breakfast. She walks slowly to the market to buy fruit. She makes fruit juices, and she sits outside her house waiting for a few customers to come by. Later she cleans up, goes back inside. Maybe she sweeps for a bit. Then she makes dinner for her family, and goes to bed.

She seems like a very happy person. I want to be satisfied with this kind of life, to feel the rhythm of the day go by.

In the stillness I am stuck,
Waiting, not sure what for
An explosion of light
Laughter ringing in my ears
The ordinary come to life.
I want the world to dance,
To long for one another.
But instead the world is sitting on my front step,
Watching Time pass by.
Time, I am desperately chasing you
Hunting you,
Hoping to find something better
than this moment.