Adios

It has been over a month since we left El Salvador, and so much has changed. We live again in a world of carpeting and air conditioning, cars and credit cards. I cling to the internet like a blanket, as if it's going to keep me safe. There are things I like about all this. But it feels lonely.

Goodbyes are never easy. At the end of the party, you have to pry yourself from the people you love, get on the plane, car or bus and physically leave. The rest of the goodbye comes later, in the reflection and slow passing of time. It feels violent and sudden, no matter how much you prepare for it. Saying goodbye to a community of people you have come to love. 

We have done this twice recently, once in 2012 leaving Minneapolis, and again in 2014 leaving El Salvador. I feel homesick for both places and all the people too. 

I am not a "better person" for volunteering for 2 years in another country. I don't believe God works on a points system. I have been enriched and filled with gratitude for the experiences that I had and the opportunity I had to share my gifts. In two years I taught: poetry, photography, skateboarding (supervised), choir, music education, music therapy, beginning English, intermediate English, English conversation class, computer skills, drama club (Snow White), preschool camps, and yoga. An incredible smorgasboard of experiences and adventures. I taught in a rural community (La Mora) once a week, and they accepted me with open arms. My dear friend Rina fed me lunch every Wednesday, shared her sweet daughters with me, her stories and her friendship.

I miss my weekly English lunches with Karilyn, my walks down to the lake with Wendy. My English class made up of young adults who truly wanted to learn. We laughed so much. My yoga classes taught in the open air surrounded by the Centro Arte garden. I miss the food... chicken, rice, beans for breakfast, licuados, pupusas... I miss walking by the school and the children yelling "Senorita Jenna!!" 

They knew me. I knew them. Community.

What will stay with me through all these memories?

The relationships. The smiles on the children's faces, the thoughtful gifts and cards that came from people that have so little, the feeling I had when I was singing with them. "You are the best teacher I have ever had," one of the cards said.

Did I really have to leave? 

Here I am, nannying for a wonderful family who can afford a nanny. Taking a class on nonprofit management 2 nights a week. Driving my car. Buying cleaning supplies. Listening to ads about laser hair removal on the radio. 

Letting go.