Amor y Luz

This is a tender time for us as a family. As I write the word family, I think how very grateful I am to be a part of it. Shared laughter, shared grief. Life is short, and fragile. Death is part of life - and it helps those still living to live deeply and love more.

Chris stepmother Connie is dying. She has been battling breast cancer for many years, and it has spread to her bones and now her brain. Chris was able to fly home early, a week before Christmas, to be with his dad and stepmom. He has been feeding her, giving her medicine, holding her hand, calming her when she cried. A friend of mine called it being a "midwife to the next life". I love that image.

We have been spending a lot of time with Connie in her room. When she was still talking she was kind of loopy. We would ask her if she would like some juice, she would respond, "oh yeah, baby" or "absolutely". She handled this difficult situation with grace, and humor. She cried a lot, especially when she saw someone she loved or something beautiful. A dog, a flower, a card -- it all brought tears. It was like she was becoming a child again.

Waiting for someone to die is a strange feeling. We have no control. We sit, and listen to her breath. Her friends talk about memories they have of her. We wait.

We found the perfect place for her memorial service today. I am grateful to have something to help with. I am a planner. I have enjoyed helping plan her service. Chris and I will provide the music, surely not without tears.

The amazing thing is that we planned this "month off" from volunteering before we knew Connie would die during this time. Chris was planning on taking a CNA course (that's been cancelled). I am still hoping to complete my yoga teacher training at the Asheville Yoga Center. It is an inbetween time, but inbetween feels ok. We are in the right place.

I have been amazed at how many friends Connie has! The visitors have come like waves on the ocean, bringing hugs and flowers and fun, too. I hope that when I die I have as many true friends as she does.

Connie, we love you and we are grateful for you. Thank you for being so kind to me, welcoming me into the family, encouraging us to go to El Salvador. You are a sweet soul. You find beauty in everything. The world is better because you were in it.

"For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, 

that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

-Kahlil Gibran