Los Estados

I could write about my impressions of our visit to the United States, seen through new eyes. The commercialism, the smart phone addiction, the cookie cutter houses. But I'm not going to do that. 

While I've spent 9 months in another country, my home is still my home. My country has so many problems, so many tiny tragedies... but doesn't everyone?

We are all trying to learn how to live. How to be present - how to fit in - how we might make a difference. 

I want to share about my week of abundance - and I don't mean monetary abunance. I mean richness of life! Being with family is precious, holy time. It gives you an energy that nothing else can. Sometimes I wonder how living away from my North Carolina family for so long (6 years in total) has affected our relationships. I know that I am grateful when I am with them. I hope I always feel that way.

The week before we left, two radical "terrorists" bombed the Boston Marathon. I hesitate to call them "terrorists", because I think anyone who has the gumption to kill so many people without a care is simply mentally ill. I don't mean that as an excuse. It is a sad, scary reality of the mental health problems growing in our country, and the hatred towards the wealth of America. The hatred is valid, however. I am living in El Salvador where 75,000 people died during their civil war, the majority of which was funded by the United States. Sometimes I can't believe that we live here and are so well loved. Proof that forgiveness and grace exist.

My brother lives in Boston. He was only a mile away from the where the bomb went off, studying at New England Conservatory of Music. He got home just fine, he is fine. We are lucky. Life is luck of the draw, sometimes.

My mom, dad and I flew to Boston the day after they caught the bomber. My aunt and grandmother flew in from Texas. We were so relieved that they caught Dzhokahar Tsarnaev, and that we were able to travel to Boston safely. Although grandma assured us "I'm not scared - I can take him down with one hand!" Grandma is a strong-willed, independent woman. She loves art, antiques, and among other things - opera!

We enjoyed a little shopping, good food, lots of visiting time. But mostly we were there to see my brother Mark's master's recital. He has spent the past 2 years studying opera and classical music. I can't believe how much he's learned. He has become one of those performers you can't take your eyes off of. He sang in French, German, Spanish, Italian and English, with every word memorized!

Being an adult is really fun sometimes. When I was a child, I was too busy playing. When I was a teenager, I was too busy trying to be cool. Now, I am a little less focused on myself and can really listen to other people's stories too. I am getting to know my brother, my mom, my dad, my extended family in a way I couldn't before.

Chris and I reunited in Asheville, where we spent time with his two incredibly different sets of parents and our friend Orus. We soaked up the mountain air, and laughed a lot. I am lucky to have such interesting, fun in-laws that teach me new things.

Chris' step mom Connie is very sick with cancer. She told us about how difficult it is to live with her pain. We talked about how unfair it is that she has to fight for her life in this way. We talked about some of her funny experiences in the chemo ward, how she has made friends she never would have connected with otherwise. At the end of the night, I thought about what an honor it was to have that conversation, to be part of her family. Love is a risk. But love is worth it.

As I reflect on our visit, I am feeling grateful. Grateful that my brother has had the opportunity to study music in a university. Grateful that my stepmother in law has the medication she needs to help her enjoy more life. Grateful for where and from whom I come from. Excited for what is to come.

Therapists recommend that you carry a peaceful image wherever you go. When you get anxious, when the stress gets to be too much, you can return to that place.

When I felt overwhelmed in the shoe store, or walking on the busy American street, I closed my eyes for a moment, and I saw the street where I live in Suchitoto.

I will not be here forever. But I have found my place.

"To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything."

-Thomas Merton